Rev Francisco BilogKayneth & Johnabell
Making Marriage Work
Genesis 2:24, Mtt. 19:4-6; I John 4:7-9,16b, I Cor. 13:4-9a, 13
God’s Word for Kayneth and Johnabelle in their marriage and of course to all of us, is focus on one simple verse– Genesis 2:24– “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother, be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh.” This verse is spoken by the Holy Spirit of God here in Genesis, it is repeated by Jesus in Matthew, and Paul underscored it in Ephesians. I want to suggest that this verse is the foundational verse for marriage. In fact, from this verse we will learn that marriage is designed by God to operate According to three Fundamental Priorities. A glamorous wedding does not guarantee a great marriage, but a commitment to the principles in this one verse is a sure thing, so it is time to start the application.
I. Leave:
Kayneth and Johnabelle, if your marriage is going to be what it ought to be– THERE HAS TO BE A LEAVING! “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother.”
Now, that is not a reference to abandon or forsake your parents. We know from other Scriptures that we must always honor them. But it’s an exaggerated statement to remind us that when you establish your new home, you are to loosen your dependency on your mother and father. What this means is that we need to sever the emotional umbilical cord. Whether it’s an emotional dependency or even a financial dependency, a physical dependency– you are to “leave” them. Mr. & Mrs. Dorotan and Mr. & Mrs. Alferez, realize
that your child was given to you– but only for a time for a very limited period of training. Listen, by the time your child is 12 years old, 2/3 of your time is gone! And by the time your child is making decisions about who she/he will date and with whom she/he will mate, your job is, for all practical purposes, essentially complete. If you have done your job right, you’ve been preparing your child for mate selection from infancy. If you’ve waited until she was 16, it’s too late.
And when your child comes to you and says, “Nay, Tay– this is the person that God wants me to marry….,” when that decision has been made, when your counsel has been given and the wedding march begins to play– that’s when you are to give your child back to the safe-keeping of God. And that’s when you let go!
The principle of this leaving is this…. NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ON EARTH, IS TO TAKE PRECEDENCE OVER YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MATE. And when it does, you are in clear violation of the first fundamental priority of marriage. That leads us to the second principle.
II. Cleave:
If your marriage is going to be what it ought to be– there also has to be a cleaving!
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother…. and be united to his wife….” The old KJV put it like this…. “he shall cleave unto his wife.” The word “cleave” means “to cling or glue to something. To keep close to something and remain bonded to it.” And that’s the point. God, at the very inception of
marriage, said: THIS THING IS FOR LIFE! The marital bond is a permanent, lasting, never-to-be-severed bond!
Kayneth when you stand before the Lord today, and say, “I take you Johnabelle to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part,” you are making a covenant with the future. A vow to your God! A vow of permanence. Malachi 2:13-16 says, “Remember the wife of your youth. Keep your marriage covenant. Cleave to that union.”
This indicates that in the eyes of God cleaving means wholehearted commitment, first of all spiritual, but flowing over into every area of our being, so that the cleaving is also intellectual, emotional and physical. (Man is spirit, soul and body).
III. Weave:
Finally, if your marriage is going to be what it ought to be, There has to be a Weaving! “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife…. and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
Note that it says, “they become one flesh. In other words, Kayneth and Johnabelle should weave themselves into each other’s life. And that’s a process– not an instantaneous event. “One flesh” doesn’t happen just because the preacher says, “I now pronounce you husband and wife”; it doesn’t happen when you sign the legal documents. It is a life long process! And it is built on the two previous principles- Leave and Cleave!
God has called Kayneth and Johnabelle to love each other as they love themselves and be willing to lay down their lives that we might be one.
Yes, God’s plan for marriage is that two become one. And this is much more than just sharing the same residence, the same food, and the same bed. It is two people giving themselves to one another until their lives are woven together into one. Husband, wife, let me ask you.
Let me ask all married couples present here today.
Are you developing true companionship in your marriage? Is your marriage more than a joint checking account and the children? God wants much more than that for you. He designed marriage for companionship! Let me remind you of the elements necessary for weaving two lives together…..
A. A Vow: And only when you make a covenant vow to cleave unto your wife will you be willing to so blend your heart with hers that you become, in every sense of the word a TEAM! Living together is against he will of God and allows for zero security.
B. TIME: Only as you make room in your life for you mate can you weave your life into hers/his.
C. Hard Work: Marriage is hard work– hardest task you’ll ever attempt!
D. Forgiveness: You will be hurt, disappointed, and offended by your mate. And the only way you can recover is to commit now to granting forgiveness. There are 12 words
that will keep any marriage together: “I was wrong, I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you.” These words must be spoken often in marriage.
E. Avoid Criticism: Now, you don’t have to be a football fan
to know this very important principle– YOU DON’T TACKLE THE GUY WHO WEAR THE SAME COLOR UNIFORM! Listen, your spouse is your teammate, easy on the criticism.
F. Prayer: your marriage better be a matter of prayer with and for one another.
G. Ministry Task: Have a ministry where you are serving together.
H. Fun: Do things that are fun. Laugh together. Enjoy life. One writer said, “We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations– we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.” That’s not weaving!
That’s not building a team. Are you on you way to oneness?
Let’s close with two powerful suggestions……
1. You must accept the fact that your marriage will never be perfect. The only ideal marriage in history was Adam and Eve’s and even they blew it. Even the best of marriages know times of breakdown, doubt, disillusionment, anger, distress and conflict. But that reality doesn’t mean that the union cannot work
2. You must realize that success in marriage is not so much as finding the right mate, as it is in being the right mate. The truth is, you probably married over your head. And even if you did marry the wrong person, you can treat
her like the right person and make that union work! Yes. Indeed, It is far more important for you to be the right person than it is for you to marry the right kind of person.
CONCLUSION: We have pulled out the instructions and
looked at them today. God’s instruction sheet for making marriage work reads like this:
Step One – Kayneth and Johnabelle are to LEAVE their parents and form a new relationship that will take first priority.
Step Two – – Kayneth and Johnabelle are to CLEAVE and form a permanent relationship by glueing them together in marriage.
Step Three – – Kayneth and Johnabelle are to WEAVE their lives together as they give themselves to each other in developing oneness.
May God help Kayneth and Johnabelle to follow His instructions for marriage.
My translation of Genesis 2:24– “For this reason Kayneth and Johnabelle, will LEAVE their parents and CLEAVE to each other, and they will WEAVE their lives into one flesh, that they may have a fruitful and wonderful family together!” Amen and Amen.